Today I started a new journal. The tree one holds over a year of events, processing, growing, and prayers. I started it 1/13/14 on the day I returned to the DR for the second half of my internship at Lily House. And it ends with me in the process of support raising to go back there as a full-time missionary. And all the in-between days show the Lord’s faithfulness.
Just this morning I re-read an entry from early February ’14 and it said: “My spirit worries if I’ll be doing what You called me to do, if I’ll be missing out on something You have planned for me, if I’ll be living the richest life with You I can be. I don’t know how to give these to You. I don’t know how to stop worrying about them. I don’t know how to pray about my future and be confident You’ll show me the way. You know what I need, Lord. You know me best. Help me. Help me to be filled with assurance.”
I was scared. I was afraid I didn’t know how to trust the Lord with my future. I was afraid He wouldn’t bring clarity or answer my prayers. But right now, today, over a year and a half later, I am giving all the praise and the glory to God because He knew exactly where my heart was at. And He did not condemn me for it; He did not show any less of His true character to me because I was faltering. He showed immense follow-through and faithfulness. He answered my prayer for confidence in the plans He has prepared for me. He has filled me with assurance.
The old journal holds 8/31/14, where I re-surrendered to full-time mission work. It holds 1/30/15, where I spoke in confidence of His calling to return to the DR and to Lily House. It holds joys and triumphs but it also holds tears and failures. It holds a journey, a process of moving closer to the Lord and closer to His heart for me.
I am excited, not just that I got to buy and start a new journal, but because it symbolizes another year or more of events, processing, growing, and prayers. It reminds me to continue to look back on the Lord’s faithfulness in the past as I learn more and more how to trust Him with my future.
“He’s not finished with me yet.”